A message from the Lord Mayor

[LordMayor]

Dear fellow Sydneysiders,

Today I am pleased to announce the construction of Sydney’s newest project of suburban and cultural development.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I present to you The Cove

The Cove is to be fabricated in the vicinity of Moore Park Road, Paddington

The Cove is being designed to emulate some of the more boutique areas of our marvellous city.

Development shall be modelled upon previous successes such as the Redfern and Macquarie Fields areas.

I can announce that due connections with the Lion Nathan brewery all pubs in the area shall serve strictly Tooheys. All inhabitants of the Cove shall be able to enjoy the metallic tang of inexpensive hops, and the gentile vinegary aromas of the Tooheys range.

Of course when I say pubs I am not referring to the traditional hotel or bar, rather licensed cafés. I thoroughly understand the need to be noticed rather than to enjoy an intimate surrounding.

The culture emanating from the Cove shall be representative of marvellous superficial existence.

I can also proudly announce that, when redevelopment is complete, there will be no less than 13 solariums in the direct vicinity.

We are currently looking at the feasibility of offering a complementary spray-on tan for season ticket holders.

It has been preposed that the colour of the tan should be towards the darker end of the scale. As to allow the Curva Bling to further imitate African-American culture, we have decided upon ‘Ebony Shine’, as it says on the bottle ‘If you wanna be a rapper, spray and hold to get blacker’.

Your thoughts and your further input would be greatly appreciated.

Regards,

Clover Moore
Sydney Lord Mayor

[marinermick]

thanks rug-muncher

[jubal1]

It's another attempt at sophistication by our Tardistani friends, attempting to emulate our refined and somewhat dry humour.

Totally spoilt by poor choice of subject, utter lack of subtlety, abominable composition and persistently poor spelling of unfamiliar words.

It’s kind of cute how they try so hard to imitate their superiors in much the same way monkeys try to imitate men.

We shouldn’t berate them for this attempt at biting satire, even if it is like being savaged by a sheep. We should pity them, and applaud their efforts, however feeble.

<golf clap for trying>
.

[Phormic]

An OK troll but not brilliant. Great idea spoiled by a somewhat dull execution. Points for not resorting to the usual pøof clichés.

5/10

[Wands]

dat chip dem other scumbags have on dere shoulders must be a terrible burden...

[jubal1]

Wands said:

dat chip dem other scumbags have on dere shoulders must be a terrible burden...

Chips are an important part of their diet

[sydneysider]

Will they have caviar in these cafe's?

[hillbilly]

p1ss poor.

For starters it should have been 'thelordmayor' not 'lordmayor'.

Author has obviously spent exactly zero minutes on Moore's websight learning her style.

Has also confused Sydney with Glasgow re fake tans.

Created an obvious contradiction in refering to Mac Fields and cafes.

Suggest a visit to the 11.boo school of the multi for training.

2.5/10

[serb01]

who actually believes that shit?..idiots

[martyp]

wats wit all these people coming to our forum and writing shit!!!! no one beleaves it so f**k OFF!!!!!!

[LordMayor]

Yes Jubal, I agree our Sydney sense of humour is much more refined and sophisticated. Why Melbournians have a world renowned sense of humour, I'll never understand.
Does anyone know why Melbourne gets to host the International Comedy Festival?
Like most of the jokes I heard on the Gala, I don't understand this either.

We in Sydney are much superior to those in Melbourne, I mean we've got more people, that makes us superior. It does, doesn't it? I'm sure of it.

And Hillbilly, I agree with you 100% those awful poor people in Macquarie Fields should not be let into our cafés.
Mentioning poor people and cafés in the same letter was the fault of my assistant, she's just come back from visiting friends in Melbourne. I think during her time south of the boarder, she may have picked up the crazy idea that poor people also drink coffee.

[jubal1]

Melbourne hosts the Comedy Festival for the same reason that Montreal does, they are so humour impaired that they need to observe industrial quantities of humour in an attempt to learn how to produce some themselves.

Same reason the Red Cross airlifts powdered milk in to the Sudan.

Clearly hasn't worked.

I see your spelling hasn't improved either, give it up, you could be a real wit, you're halfway there.

And its MISTER Jubal1 to you.

[Sydneyhooligan]

zzzzzzzzzzzz

[STUPIDf*g**t]

LordMayor are you Rove McAnus in disguise?

[Phormic]

LordMayor said:

Does anyone know why Melbourne gets to host the International Comedy Festival?

Plenty of material to draw upon down there?